I'm fine

I'm not mad at you. Never.
Because i know that i'm the one who made you've changed.

It's all my fault.
You don't have to worry about me if you see me crying,
It is because i've failed to make you happy and all.

You should have be mad at me.
You can say anything bad about me.
I'm okay with it.

As long as you're still with me and love me,
I'm okay with everything.

                              ________________________________________

Kau nak cakap apa-apa pun, cakap lah.
Yang penting aku jujur, ikhlas dan sabar.

                               ________________________________________


                              

                              

                              

                              

Love is Pain..

Aku tahu kau dah lama bersabar dengan aku. Aku bukan macam perempuan lain, boleh keluar bila-bila dengan kawan-kawan. Ye, mungkin kau tak boleh faham situasi/keadaan aku sbb kau tak pernah rasa macam mana aku rasa. Family aku bukan macam kau dan orang lain. Aku tak pernah minta apa-apa daripada kau, aku cuma minta kau boleh bersabar dengan aku macam mana aku bersabar dengan kau. Mungkin susah tapi aku fikir kalau betul kau sayang aku, kau sanggup tunggu. Tapi mungkin betul lelaki memang ego dia sangat tinggi, aku tak boleh nak mengelak. 

Aku juga tahu yg aku banyak sakitkan hati kau & kecewakan kau, tapi apa aku boleh buat? Aku tak mampu nak bagi kebahagian kat kau macam mana orang lain bagi. Ye, aku mengaku kau pun ada menyakitkan hati aku jugak tapi aku buat bodoh je sbb aku tahu selagi kita tak halal, banyak dugaan akan datang. And lagi satu, dalam setiap pasangan tu mesti ada satu yg selalu mengalah dan banyak bersabar. 

Aku tahu mungkin suatu hari nanti kau akan hilang sabar dengan aku, tapi aku nak buat macam mana? Memang patut pun kau macam tu. 

Aku cuma nak kau sabar dengan aku dalam hal ni je. Susah sangat ke? Aku tak minta lebih pun daripada itu. Tolong lah. Aku cuma tak berani buat benda yang aku tak pernah buat. Kau pun kena lah faham jugak. Aku sedar aku ni tak cukup bagus untuk kau. Aku minta maaf sangat sangat sebab aku teruk, aku tak pandai dalam bab bercinta ni. Tapi aku dah cuba. Malangnya kau tak nampak usaha aku.

Kau nak naik motor dengan kawan, aku bagi jugak walaupun aku tak bagi. Aku tak nak halang apa yg kau nak buat. Dengan rela hati aku bagi jugak. Aku tak nak jadi bossy ke apa. Sekarang ni kau nak buat apa, aku bagi. Aku cuba bagi apa kau nak. Aku jarang complain. Cuma satu je aku tak boleh nak bagi iaitu keluar dengan kau. Bukannya tak boleh tapi susah. Kau pun tahu kenapa tapi mungkin kau tak faham.

This week sepatutnya aku ada game, ayah aku plan suruh aku main. Tapi mungkin takda rezeki. Ayah cakap kalau cukup duit, main lah. Kau cakap aku sembang, auta semua. Takpelah, kalau kau dah fikir macam tu. Aku tak nak cakap panjang-panjang. Mungkin kepercayaan kau kat aku dah berkurang. Aku sabar. Aku terima je kau nak cakap apa-apa kat aku. Betul lah tu apa kau cakap.

Ni baru sikit aku cakap. Dalam hati? Tak terkata. Banyak benda lagi aku tak boleh nak luahkan.

Aku minta maaf sangat sangat.

                   _______________________________________________________________


Ya Allah, Kau kuatkan lah hatiku ini. Berilah aku kekuatan untuk menghadapi segala dugaan/cabaran yang telah kau berikan kepada aku, ya Allah. Amin

Sorry i hurt you

"I'm just done with all of this, everything.

 I'm tired of never being good enough."

I will never be good enough to you. Never, sayang.

I'm sorry for not being perfect and being able to break your fears.

I'm sorry for messing up and causing all your tears.

I know I've let you down so many times.

And i hope you will never get tired of me.

I'm just afraid of losing you again, sayang.

I also don't want our relationship to be full with secrets.

Please tell me whenever i hurt your feelings.

Cause i really need to know what you've feel. I really do.

We used to be VERY happy,

I miss the old you, please come back

And i also know that sometimes people change bcs they're tired of getting hurt all over again.

I knew you've changed bcs of me. 

I really hope that our relationship will last till jannah. Amin.

I've been promised to myself that i will never get tired of you, even how bad you treat me, i will try to be patient. This is all bcs i love you so much. I've never loved someone like i love you, sayang. It's true. This time i will try to compromise.

 I love you so much and i'm sorry, love ♡

Sincerely,
me

I Love Him So Much It Hurts

I do. I truly do. I have loved him since I met him. His gentleness has captivated me. The kindness in his eyes can melt my anger. The strength in his arms can shelter me from everything. My entire body cries when I am not with him. 

When he is at his worst, I see him at his best. In his mistakes, I see perseverance. In his weakness, I see courage. In his past, I see what made him. In his future, I see all that he will become. 

When I look into my heart, I see him. When I close my eyes, I feel him. While my contentment comes from within, he is my lighthouse, shining my way home. 

Why do I feel this way?  He has cast me aside. He has shown me his anger. He has shown me his immaturity. He has been rude, dismissive, and careless. He has been short-sighted and quick-tempered, he has been impatient and unkind. 

Yet in his anger, I feel his fear; in his immaturity, I see his imperfection; in his rude, dismissive attitude, I feel his frustration. When he is careless and short-sighted, I am understanding. When he is quick-tempered, I am patient and kind when he cannot be.

Does he know how I see him? Does he realize how perfect he is in my eyes?

When I am scared, he is my protector. When I feel alone, he is my comfort. He is there for me before I ask. He knows my pain before I feel it, and understands it better than me. He guards my body from harm, and my heart from pain. He is the love of my life.   

When will he see the beauty in my love, the beauty in my heart?

Will he ever love me the way I love him? 

Luahan Seorang Gadis..

Aku seorang yang sentiasa mencuba untuk memahami perasaan orang lain,
Tetapi adakah 'orang lain' tersebut pernah mencuba untuk memahami perasaan aku?
Tahun demi tahun, aku menutup kesedihan aku daripada mereka semua,
Aku tetap bersabar dan meneruskan hhidupku ini seperti biasa,
Aku bukan sengaja tidak mahu menceritakan luahan mahupun perasaan ini,
Aku cuma tidak mahu mereka semua menilai diri ku ini dengan salah dan memikir benda yang bukan-bukan,
Aku juga tidak mahu menambahkan lagi masalah mereka dan menyinggung perasaan mereka,
Maklumlah, siapalah aku ini?
Aku hanya manusia biasa yang tiada nilainya,
Aku lebih rela, aku yang disakiti walaupun aku benci dengan perasaan sebegitu,
Aku dah muak dengan perasaan sebegitu,
Aku hanya seorang perempuan biasa dan nasib ku selalu malang,
Tidak mengapalah. Asalkan hidup mereka bahagia,
Aku juga berharap agar kesabaran dan kesedihan ku ini tidak sia-sia pada suatu hari nanti,
Amin.

Hurt

The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this goodbye is both a goodbye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come.